Jumping off point
Let me pull back the curtain of anonymity just a bit. I’ve blurred out all the faces and names but I just want to show you just a little of the backstage of this production. like many of you I work a full time job to pay the bills and work my way out of the absurd almost mandatory debt. Without giving you the specifics of my job, I will tell you that my job consists of bursts of action, putting out random fires (metaphorically) and tending to a few semi routine tasks that allows the more money making parts of the company I work for to keep making money. I’m a supporter. But there are often 15 minute to an hour (on slow days) long intervals between those bursts of action. These blog posts usually get written in those interstitial times. Why do I tell you this?
This is part of the reason my blog posts come out the way they do, distracted, not well planned, meandering, very course corrected, and as I said earlier, shitty. It is because I’ll start with one idea, I’ll start writing, then I’ll get interrupted to go put out a fire, then I’ll come back to it after mulling it over, and I start writing from where I’m then currently at mentally. You miss all the thought that came in between the beginning and the end of some sentences. That is why it may feel very jarring and I jump around a lot. After NanoWrimo is over I’ll try to keep my writing contained to after I get home off of work at night, I think I’ll also write several days ahead and come back to them and edit so that you get a somewhat more refined product. But for now there isn’t as much wiggle room.
Today’s post is somewhat different than the usual chattel I’ve been serving, today you aren’t getting the absolute most raw first draft. During work I only wrote half a blog post and most of it was about how I had run out of ideas. But then by lunch time that changed because I had thought of something I want to put out. But I’ll save that for another day. So I scrapped the whole thing and started over writing this post. Today, I just wanted to point out that I am getting to that point. I’ve run all my ideas around in a circle already in just these short week or two of writing a blog post every day. I’ve swung all the way from very idealistic and optimistic, to very pessimistic and self defeating. I keep thinking I’ll escape this loop, but I feel like I am on the verge of dropping right back into the optimistic end of the cycle again. I have some ideas. But they need to be fleshed out. I am still looking for context. Be Patient.